Cough*Cough*....COUGH *COUGH!

Yes that is the sound of my poor lungs hacking away. I feel like CRAP! I am soooo sick. The twins are sick as well but of course Nevy & Jose have been skipped.....for now anyway. So I'm dealing with my own cold, two sick babies & a rowdy toddler. Oh the F-U-N!...not!

On to brighter thoughts...

Arianna rolled over this week. I'm so proud of my baby. She is getting so much better & catching up to Celi. A fast weight check and she was 13lbs 13oz. Not sure of the %tile but we have a Dr.'s appt next week. So I'll know more then.

Araceli is sitting up for a lot longer now before falling over. She did about 2 mins the other day. She is such a ham. Whenever Nevy laughs she cracks up. It's so cute. She is now 14lbs 15oz.

Nevaeh has gone pee pee on the potty all week & has not had an accident in 5 days. No matter what I do she wont poop on it though. I guess we just have to keep trying. If she keeps up the good work we will be going to the zoo soon! :)

Things are going to be crazy the next 2 months for us. We have 3 baptism parties, 4 family parties & Nevy's 3rd birthday at the end of July. yeah crazy crazy. lol So I maybe MIA for a little while. I will keep everyone posted as I can though.

Just can't believe my baby is going to be 3! Time is flying!!

Have some summer fun & be safe!

More...more....REALLY??

Sometimes I sit here rubbing my tummy and missing the kicks. I miss that special feeling of knowing I'm caring for something in a way no one else can. I miss the excitement of waiting for the day to come when I get to look in the eyes of my baby/ies for the first time.

Yeah where the hell did that come from? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! lmao...WOW let me catch my breath.....wooooh.

No really though I do miss my pregnancies. I mean really how could I not after EVERYTHING we went through. People have NO IDEA what it feels like to be "infertile" unless YOU are. Not your brothers wife, cousins sister, uncle sisters friend or your dog. Unless its YOU and your spouse personally you have NO IDEA what it's like. Words can't explain that helpless feeling. Where there are days you wish for a miscarriage just to know you CAN get pregnant. Days you cry for hours not just because of the sadness but because you are on a hormonal cocktail that puts PMS & Menopause to shame. Days that turn into weeks, months.....years. That truly doesn't even skim the surface of infertility.

To feel this way, to think you may NEVER hold your own child, well it breaks you in aways. A way that can't be explained. A way that only others who have this tattoo on there hearts as well know. To think that I would never see a child with my lips & Jose's unruly curls. It was enough to kill me inside for years. Of course during it all I had on the "happy yet secretly want to kill you" face. Which again unless you've been there you have no idea. The face you put on when a friend says they are expecting after being with a guy for 3 months. The face you put on when you go to other peoples baby showers or births. That "face" it stays with you. A scar forever b/c you can truly never be happy when you can't have what is SUPPOSED to come naturally to EVERY women. The one thing we were SUPPOSED to be MADE for.

So what were broken? Why can't we be fixed then? Are us "infertile" women that old car that sits in the garage b/c know one can seem to make it run right? No no. NO! We are the select few that are made STRONGER b/c of what we are FORCED to go through. We are made from a different mold you see. A mold that can NOT be broken. We are the women who dont let anything take us down. We WILL pee on that damn stick 1,000 times until a second line shows up! We will buy $500 worth of sticks off the internet b/c what if your afternoon urine is stronger or what if the first was a dud? We will NOT give up b/c we want what is our RIGHT to have. We want what comes to the rest of you so easily. We want what you don't think twice about & b/c of this there is NOTHING like the love of an "infertile" mother. NOTHING! You'll never understand unless YOU have been there. You'll never get the obsession. The drive that keeps us taking pills, attacking our husbands when the OPK is +, poking ourselves with needles & peeing on anything that could tell us something we don't already know.

This is the drive. The drive I felt for way to long. So how do I turn it off? How do I shut down that part of my brain that has pushed me to get what I though I would never have. The answer is I can't. I will always miss being pregnant. I'll always miss the kicks but I'm stronger for that weakness. It gives me compassion that others dont understand. I have NO shame in being "infertile". I'm proud to have been one of the lucky few to hold my children and I know that when I see another person who is part of the "club" a simple "I've been there too" is enough to comfort. That makes me stronger. That makes me special not different. It makes me understand things other dont. It makes me who I am today.....the women who STRUGGLED for years to become pregnant & finally did. One of the lucky ones. One of the few. So the next time you talk to an "infertile" person please dont pity them b/c they have something you dont.... a special tattoo over there hearts, a place in a club where they are made stronger and a love that will know no boundaries.

So when people ask me if we want more kids I may say no but that special tattoo always gives me a little flutter & I have to remind myself that there is always room for more. It may not be any time soon but how could I let my fellow club members down & close a door that was nearly sealed shut at one point. So to all of you that ask.....No I may not want any more kids now but I will always want more later.







Infertility is not a disease or cruse it is merely a test of the strongest among us. A test we may not pass but will always benefit from. So please don't pity us b/c we are better then that.

I LUB my girls!

Things have FINALLY calmed down! We moved into the new house & can I say I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED! lol

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new house! I didn't realize how much I missed having a kitchen. I've been cooking like a crazy person all week. Jose has missed my food so much. My gram can cook. Actually she is an AWESOME cook but she is old school. She likes to add the fat & bad for you stuff which is why the food is sooooo good lol! I dont cook like that.

We dont eat enriched white flour products mostly b/c of Nevy getting sick from it but also b/c wheat is better for you. I don't know how I did it but I didn't gain a pound the whole time we lived there (7.5 months). Well I did gain I was pregnant with twins! Hello! lol but I gained 13lbs while pregnant and lost all of it plus another 10lbs & my weight hasn't changed since then which puts me below my pre-pregnancy weight. Now that I get to eat the way I like to I'm sure I'll start losing again. It just feels so good to eat brown or wild rice again instead of Mac & cheese lol.

I'm so PROUD of Nevy! She went the whole day without an accident! She even took a nap & didn't have one! She's so close to being fully potty trained if I could just get her to poop on the potty! We have been letting her do it on her own time which has taken 8 months but hey why rush. I think her new interest in the potty has to do with me telling her she could go to the zoo if she went a whole week without using a diaper or having an accident. She is really trying VERY hard b/c she wants to see the "teddy" bears & "munkeys" lol. I love her made up words! :)

The Twins are officially half a year old! OMG where did the time go??

Arianna seems to be doing better. I've been doing a lot of the exercises the therapist showed me & she seems to be able to hold her head up longer. She now has to spend 10-15 mins. EVERY hour she is up on her tummy. She really hates tummy time. SO much in fact that she all most rolled over to get off her tummy. To see her come so close to a goal that I though was still months away made me cry. She seems so far behind Celi due to her muscle issues. So to see her catching up is awesome! I love my chubby girl sooooo much!

My silly Celi is a little brat as usual lol. We went to a family party Sunday & I was sitting at the table talking and eating crackers off a tray. Well Ms. Araceli decided she wanted a cracker to. So when Mommy wasnt looking she grabbed one & starting chomping on it lol! She ate the entire cracker! Then wanted another one! She is such a piggy. She now eats two 4oz jars of baby food for lunch plus a 4oz bottle. She really is a PIG but I lover her to pieces! She can almost sit up totally unassisted. There are times when she leans to far and cant catch herself before tipping over but she is doing very well. She also scoots with her head on the ground and her butt in the air. It's so funny! I swear she will have rug burn on her forehead soon but she is learning to crawl in her own way I guess.

Well I guess thats it. The kids have all adjusted very well to the new house though I found Nevy sleeping UNDER my bed this morning lol. She has been sleeping in her new room without any trouble all week. So I'm not sure why she did that. I guess I need to get another baby gate.

Well I'm off to make dinner & see Shrek tonight! Nevy has been waiting for weeks to see it but it came out the weekend of the twins baptism. So she has had to wait. She is super excited! Until next time! :) Enjoy your summer everyone!

Blah Blah Blah....yeah lol

It's been a really long week. I'm sorry it's taken so long to post again. The days just seem to fly by.

I'm happy to say we pulled off the Twins Baptism without any problems. Everything went great & the girls got TONS of clothes! Which were soooooo needed! So THANK YOU EVERYONE SO MUCH! The kids really enjoyed the party as well. Nevy spent most of the day in the air jump jump lol. They were so tired they slept until 11am the next day. Yeah I was shocked!

I can't believe the twins will be turing 6 months in a week! Half a year ALREADY! It's crazy to think about. I do miss them being little but then again I love them at this age. The are up most of the day & love to laugh. They are such silly kids. When I lay them down at night next to each other they will hold hands and "talk" to each other until they fall alseep or some times they will pull each others hair until one cries lol! I love seeing them interact. It's so darn cute. My favorite is when they just look at each other & smile back and forth.

Well Arianna will be starting physical therapy next week. Easter seals came out & her neck & back muscles rate at the 1-2 month old mark. She has over all low muscle tone but her neck it the worst. She cant hold it up long and gets tired very easy. It's times like that when I really regret them being twins. I love my girls but if I had to do it all over again I probably would have only put one embryo in at a time. Since we had lost Nevy's twin early on I was scared that if we only did one I would miscarry it but my girls are strong & both stuck around. With Ari being twin A she was on the bottom which means Celi was sitting on her most of the time. She was always in a weird breech position which might be why she never developed enough muscle tone. I'm just happy she is getting help now. I hate seeing the gap between them grow so fast.

Araceli is my rock star! lol She is just a funny baby! She laughs for NO reason at all! She sits there and cracks up at herself. She loves to talk (yes she's her Mama's baby!). She now tries to get her kness up under her while doing tummy time. I think she is going to be crawling in the next month or so. She can be so stubborn though (yes truly a Mama's girl lol)she hardly ever rolls anymore b/c she knows I want her too! She such a brat sometimes! She really loves her sisters. I can tell she will be the "care giver" of my kids. If Ari or Nevy cry she will stick out her bottom lip & start crying with them. If Ari is laying by her she'll even try reaching out to touch her face like saying "it's ok sis I'm here". It's just heart breaking to see her do that. It's so sweet!

Nevy is getting SO excited about the new house. I think she's reached her end with living with my grandparents. Dont get me wrong they are so good to her but they are getting old and cant tolerate as much as they use to. So a lot of stuff I let slide they dont & she gets mad at them lol. Yeah she's a spoiled 1st what can I say. Every time we come home she asks "Can we go to the new house? I want to go in Nevy's room!" I feel so bad b/c I know she wants to have her own space again. We have been waiting on our final permit which we should have Monday. I'm hoping to live there Monday night! Which I just realized is tomorrow lol. Ya I know I'm slow sometimes.

As for me.... I saw my REI wed. & the game plan is what I though it would be....a statin, metformin & birth control. I hope this is the 3 punch my PCOS needs to get under control. I do have to go in for some more blood tests this Wed. before we start the treatment & I also have an ultrasound on my liver that day but we are pretty sure everything is fine. I cant wait for everything to be under control so I can start to drop some more weight. I stopped a few months ago when I was having issues with my Iron, breastfeeding & liver problems b/c I didnt know if that was making it worse. When I stopped I did get a bump in my supply for awhile. So I think it was effecting that. Though it no longer matters b/c I did stop breastfeeding a few weeks ago. My suppy was really going bye bye and I could not keep taking Reglan to keep up with it. So I decided to stop. I'm proud that I made it to 5 months though. Thats longer then I did with Nevy.


Ok well I'm off to finish packing our last few things & help Jose start moving them next door. It's going to be so nice to have a house to ourselves again....yet it's a little scary to finally be alone with all 3 kids.....GOD SAVE ME! lol

Well until next time!

Everything happens for a reason

Well where in the heck do I start? I feel like it's been months since I posted a new blog & it's only been a few weeks!

So I haven't been feeling to well. Very tired & just out of energy. You're probably thinking well with 3 under 3 you should be tired! lol It's worse then that. I'm sleeping like 10hrs a night & still cant get my butt out of bed. I figured it's my thyroid again & my meds need to be adjuested. I had an Ob/gyn appt a few weeks ago & I finally got my test results last week. My liver function is high along with my vitamin D level being really really low. My ob/gyn said to get in with my regular Dr. ASAP b/c she was worried about my liver function. Well after talking to my Dr. friday she figures its my PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.. yeah its a mouth full lol). PCOS effects EVERYTHING in your life. It actually becoming VERY common in women of reproductive age. I've known about it since I was 14 years old & my Dr. told me.

I've struggled with it my whole life. From battling with weight issues (due to insulin resistance caused by the PCOS), to infertility (caused by the insulin resistance stopping me from ovulating) to hormone issues, to gestaional diabetes, to pre-eclampsia (high BP during pregnancy), even breastfeeding & now to liver issues. Can you belive that one little thing screwing up one hormone can throw your entire body out of whack? Their is no "magic pill". There is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Sure there are all kinds of fun things you can take to help or cover up the issues but there is nothing to cure it or really lower your risk for heart problems, infertility, obesity, type 2 diabetes & liver issues (thats not even the half of risks!).

Anyway we ran a few tests & I have an ultrasound of my liver at the end of the month. I just hate PCOS. It seems like everytime I "think" things are ok it bites me in the butt. As of right now my liver function is only slightly high which means I'm ok but that we need to keep an eye on things in the future. I see my REI (Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Specialist)next week. Dr. Morris (www.IVF1.com) is awesome. He is the reason I have my 3 little princesses! He is also one of the only Dr.'s I trust enough to help treat my PCOS. So I guess we are finally going to have a game plan to treat things that doesnt involve fertility drugs lol. Most likely it will be a birth control pill (to treat the messed up hormones), a statin (helps my liver function & lower cholesterol which is also elevated thanks to PCOS) & Metformin to treat the insulin resistance. Then add my thyroid meds, extra vitamin D I now have to take & a regular vitamin & yeah I'll be a walking pharmacy but at least I'll feel better & be healthier.

As someone I know once said...

PCOS is like cancer, except there is no treatment & it eats away at your body for the rest of your life.

Great right?....not!



Anyway enough dark talk...

The house is finished!! woo hoo! We moved about half of our stuff in & it looks great! I still have a TON to do but it's pretty much ready for the party. We probably wont move in until after the party since I have to make everything child proof first.

The kids are all doing great. Celi is getting better & better at sitting up. Ari is going to be starting physical thearpy soon for her muscles. Easter seals is doing a final check on her but we are almost 100% sure she needs it. Her tone is getting better but still no where near it should be. Down side to being a twin :(
Nevy is peachy as always. She was so happy to decorate her new room with princess stickers!lol They are all over but it's her room so I let her have fun.

Well it's a busy week with the twins Baptism this weekend. So I'm off to clean more things & get ready. Not sure when I'll have time to post again but as always I'll keep you up to date! :)

5 months....You got to be JOKING!

The twins turn 5 months on Friday. WHAT!!!....for real? Your joking right?...

NOPE! lol

I can not believe these two little peanuts are going to be almost half a year old. I have no idea where the last few months went. I still feel like I had them last week!

They are doing really well. Eating about 27-30oz a day plus SOLIDS!! yay! We started veggies 2 weeks ago. Celi loves sweet potatos & squash. She is so-so on carrots. I really have not given much to Ari b/c she still doesnt seem ready for soilds. Celi was giving all the cues & is right on target for development & for sitting up. Ari still gets cereal by spoon though. She is getting better. She just needs more time. We have Easter Seals coming out to take a look at her. She is still having issues with the muscles in her neck. She cant seem to keep her head up for long & may need a little physical therapy. It just the down side to twins. She didnt have much room to move and build her muscles up. Other that that she is doing great. They both smile, talk, laugh, giggle & all the other great stuff. Celi can sit support & unsupported (for about 30sec before tipping over. TIMBERRRRRR lol).

Nevy is getting so much better at talking everyday. She repeats everything...even commercials on TV! lol If I hear the $5 footlong song one more time I'll.......yeah anyway lol. She just loves her sisters so much. :)

The house is DONE!! WOOT WOOT! Final inspections are done this week & if all goes well we can move in Tuesday! It's ABOUT TIME! lol

Well thats it for now. I need to go to bed. I'm so tired. I had a Dr.'s appt today with Dr. V. (the one who delivered the twins). She said everything looks great. My scar healed very well & I have a years supply of Yasmin (birth control) now!! YAY FOR NO MORE KIDS! lol yeah I'm a dork but I'd so die if I got pregnant again this soom. 3 under 3 is enough to last me a long long long long long long long.....LONG time!

Spring has Sprung!

Well all the kids are doing great.


The Twins had an appt. Monday & other then having some small issues with reflux they look good.

Arianna- Ari is now 12lbs even(10th %tile). She is 23 3/8 inches tall (10th %tile) & her head is 15 3/4 inches (10th %tile). Adjusted back a month puts her in the perfect 50th %tile which is great. Ari is getting better at holding her head up though she is still having issues. One of the down sides of being a twins is sharing space in the womb which can cause issues with muscle tone. She is not as strong as Celi but she is getting there. She is also starting to giggle & talk more. She seems happier but is still stuggling at night with feedings. She is even starting to stand more.


Araceli- Celi is now 12lbs 12oz (20th %tile). She is 24 inches tall (25th %tile) & her head is 15 3/4 inches (10th %tile). Adjusted back a month Celi is closer to the 65th %tile which is awesome! Celi is still right on target. She can sit supported & unsupported for a short time before falling over. She now screams like Tarzan lol when she wants your attention. It's really funny. Not so funny in a resturant but still funny lol. According to the Dr. she is ready to start solids whenever I want but since Ari is not ready I may hold off another month to give Ari some time to catch up. I've been spoon feeding them cereal & they seem to enjoy it.


Nevaeh- Nevy is still her usual pain in the butt self lol. Her new thing is telling you "I'm mad at you" when she doesnt get her own way. Not that it effects anyone to give into her but she thinks it will help lol. She is getting so big & some days I cant believe the things she says & understands. She talks in full sentances & is pretty clear most of the time. She has her 3 year check up in June though she wont turn 3 until July but I had all the kids appt. put together.


As for the house we have about one more week until it's done! Painting is going on next week & a few odds & ends but other then that my house is done! My stove, dishwaser and over the range microwave are coming today. So all that is left is paint! I'm soooooo excited! Nevy is too. She keeps asking when her house will be ready.

Ok thats it for now. Not sure when I'll post again since moving is right around the corner (hope for it anyway) but I'll keep everyone posted! Thanks for stopping by! :)